


Leaving a Mark

by fleurlb



Category: Last Tango In Halifax
Genre: Gen, Tattoos, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-01-26 02:43:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12547020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleurlb/pseuds/fleurlb
Summary: Caroline wants to memorialise Kate with a tattoo. Gillian doesn't know whether she should encourage or discourage this impulse.





	Leaving a Mark

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mazily](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mazily/gifts).



Gillian entered the coffee shop and spotted Caroline nearly immediately. She looked like she wanted to climb into her cup. Flora slept peacefully in the buggy next to her. Gillian put on her cheeriest smile and walked over to the table.

“Sorry I'm late. I was on time – for once – but at the bottom of the lane, I saw a post down and three of the sheep were already on the road, so I had to deal with it," said Gillian as she took her coat off and sat down.

“I ordered you a latte. I hope it's not gone cold. I'll drink it if you don't want it.”

“Is caffeine at all like alcohol? Do I need to cut you off at a certain point?”

Caroline shook her head slowly. “No, caffeine is my lifeblood until this child learns the difference between night and day.”

“Why are you letting her-” began Gillian but she stopped when she saw the look that Caroline leveled at her. “Sorry....stupid question, none of my business.”

“How's Robbie?” asked Caroline. “There, I've asked my stupid none of my business question. Now we're even.”

They both smiled, and Gillian felt like the temperature had been turned up in the room. 

“I'd ask how you are....”

“But you know the answer – shitty but surviving.”

“It gets better,” said Gillian. 

“Does it?” Caroline raised a skeptical eyebrow. 

Gillian took a sip of her latte and wiped her mouth. “No, but it does get different, at least.”

“To different. I'll take it gladly,” said Caroline, raising her mug. “Anyway, tell me about you. Any news?”

“Not really. I never see my dad these days. And Raffy barely needs help any more with Calamity. I'm barely needed.”

“Obsolescence never sounded so good.”

“It does have its benefits. Of course, I'm only spending my free time fixing the landy and sheering sheep, so it's not the most glamorous life.”

Flora started to cry, and Gillian waved Caroline back into her seat. She unstrapped the baby and sat her on her lap, distracting her by tapping her nose, which was somehow working. 

“I'm thinking of getting a tattoo,” said Caroline.

Gillian laughed. “The sleep deprivation is doing for your sanity, that's for sure.”

“I am,” insisted Caroline, hurt. “You know, to remember Kate. Not like her name, or anything. But something.”

“I never had you down for someone who would get a tattoo.”

“She changed my life. Changed me. Seems making a small change to my body is the least I can do.” Tears welled at the edges of her eyes, but she kept them at bay. 

“What did you have in mind, then? You've obviously given this some thought.”

“An owl. I think it would have to be an owl.”

“Because you were both big fans of Harry Potter?”

“Now look, if you're not going to take this seriously...”

“I'm sorry. Please. Why an owl?”

“I dropped her at her house once, at the end of an evening out. We thought we were just friends at that point. And we were sitting in the car, still talking. I don't think she wanted to get out of the car, but it must have seemed too forward to invite me in. And neither one of us wanted the evening to end,” Caroline paused for a moment. 

“Anyway,” she continued, “we were in the car and suddenly this massive shadow passed over the bonnet – it was like, well, I don't know what, but then it swooped up and landed on the lampost. It was the biggest owl I've ever seen. Kate reckoned it was an eagle owl. It had these enormous orangey eyes and it just sat there, looking out.”

“There are a couple of pair of eagle owls nesting in North Yorkshire, but Harrowgate doesn't exactly seem like their territory.”

“I know. That's why it was amazing. That...and well, we kissed for the first time that night. I don't know who made the first move, but suddenly we were just kissing and I always felt like...”

“The owl made you do it?” said Gillian, keeping her voice light. 

Caroline smiled, sad and wistful. “Yeah, I suppose. Not that it made us, exactly, but that its unexpected appearance shattered some kind of formality between us and let something finally happen. Even though when I look back, I could see we'd been skating up to and around that edge for weeks. The owl just gave us the final push.”

“Well, maybe you should get Greg to draw something for you.”

“It's a silly idea. Me, a tattoo. I wouldn't even know where to go for that.” 

“Leeds. There are a couple of places in Leeds that aren't half bad.”

“How do you know? Do you have a sneaky tattoo that I don't know about?”

Gillian shook her head. “I hear things, that's all.”

“I might ask Greg to draw something for me then. Just to get an idea of what it might look like.” 

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***  
_A few weeks later_

The whole extended family was having Sunday dinner at the farm. It was the typical chaos, and it seemed to Gillian like Caroline was just being carried along by it like a leaf in a stream. She responded to questions and seemed to be doing a reasonable impersonation of a human being, but Gillian could still see that the spark was missing from her eyes. 

After dinner, Celia and Alan left to attend a play and Robbie took all the kids out for walk to see the lambs while Gillian and Caroline tidied up the kitchen. 

“So, have you gotten that tattoo yet?” 

The dish that Caroline was drying slipped but she caught it. She looked around furtively.

“We're the only ones here,” said Gillian.

“Oh, well, no, I haven't. Not yet. I did get Greg to draw me a picture, but I've been sitting with it for a while. Just to see whether I could live with it on my body for the rest of my life.” She finished drying the dish, then placed it in the dry stack. 

She went to the table and got out her handbag, then took out her wallet and unfolded a piece of paper. She unfolded the paper slowly and looked at it for a moment, then handed it to Gillian.

A delicate owl in mid-flight stared at Gillian with piercing orange eyes. The drawing was the width and length of about three fingers. It was detailed and carefully drawn. 

“Caroline, it's.....beautiful. Stunning, really.”

“Yes, I was quite surprised to learn that Greg's talents extend beyond just drawing vacant women who have big knockers.”

“Now you just have to make an appointment. Tattoo-zoo in Leeds are meant to be really good.”

Caroline frowned. “I'm still not entirely certain.”

“You can do it anytime, you know, but I think you want to. And I think you should. Who knows, it might help you feel better.”

“I feel fine,” said Caroline, her tone testy and brittle. “I'm surviving.”

“Kate would want you to live.”

“Don't tell me what Kate would want,” snapped Caroline. 

Gillian turned back to the dishes and washed several before she realized that Caroline was still sitting at the table. 

“They're not going to dry themselves, you know.”

Caroline sniffled, then stood up and resumed her drying duties. They worked with quiet efficiency until the dishes were done.

“Will you....would you...do you want to come with me?”

Gillian looked up, surprised. “Sure. I'm done with farm work by about 11 most Saturdays. Tell me the day, and I'll drive. In case you need some Dutch courage to get the job done.”

“I'm not going to need any Dutch courage,” said Caroline, lightly thwacking Gillian with the tea towel. 

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***  
_A week later_

Gillian watched Caroline look around the tattoo parlor with visible apprehension. She was sitting on the upholstered chair, which a cross between a dentist's chair and an exam table in a doctor's office. They were waiting for the tattoo artist to get the dyes and needles ready.

“I'm not really keen on needles. What was I thinking? Why did I let you talk me into this?” Caroline fretted.

“Me?!” protested Gillian. “Twas your idea. This is your circus, your monkeys. Own it.”

Caroline took a deep breath as the tattoo artist, a tall young man with kind eyes and a beard, returned.

“Okay, so you said you want this on your lower leg, on your calf?” he asked.

“Yes. I think so,” said Caroline, looking to Gillian for approval, so she nodded. 

“It's a good drawing. The only thing I'm going to suggest is that we flip it around like this, so that the owl is facing the same direction as you. That way, he can travel through the world with you.”

“She,” whispered Caroline. “She can travel through the world with me.”

“Right, she. Okay, so I'm going to go ahead and get started. This might sting a little.”

“I'm sure it will,” said Caroline, reaching out to take Gillian's hand. She turned her head to avoid watching the needle going in and out of her skin, but Gillian was transfixed by the process. At the end of it, a delicate owl with orange eyes was in mid-flight in the middle of Caroline's pale lower leg. 

“Caroline, it's magnificent,” said Gillian, puzzled by the startled look she got in return. 

Then Caroline looked. “Yes, it's very pretty.”

“How are you doing?” asked the tattoo artist.

“Slightly better now, ever so slightly better.” She squeezed Gillian's hand before letting it go.

The End


End file.
